Vampire Knight Alphabet
by xlunardemonx
Summary: 26 VK stories A-Z
1. A stands for Aardvark

BEGINNING

**Author's note: **I was singing the alphabet in Spanish class while thinking about VK and…uh…this is what came to mind. I do not own Vampire Knight, but when I complete my plans of world domination I will. Number one: A is for aardvark.

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"_WHAT THE HELL IS THAT??" _Ruka shrieked at Aido. He held in his hands a brown animal with a long and hideous snout.

"It's an aardvark Ruka and stop yelling! You're scaring him," the blonde vampire retorted in defense of the aardvark that was staring at Ruka from his arms. Ruka glared at it with all the force she could muster and all it did was stare back lazily.

"I don't care what it is!" Ruka snarled. "Get it out of here!"

"What going—why are you holding an aardvark?" asked a surprised Rima who walked into the hall, followed by Shiki who glided behind her like a shadow.

"I named him Bubbles and I found him in town," Aido explained. Ruka snorted in disgust.

"Do you _see_ this?" she exclaimed.

"I think he's sort of cute," Rima said shrugging. Shiki watched the dozing aardvark with curiosity.

"Does Kaname-sama know about your new friend, Aido?" he asked quietly. Aido froze.

"Erm, not quite," he said sheepishly. Zero appeared out of no where with Yuuki by his side.

"An aardvark?" he scoffed. Aido's eyes narrowed.

"Are you dissing Bubbles?" he demanded angrily.

"You named him Bubbles?" Zero said laughing. He was met with a sharp icicle almost stabbing his gut. Zero growled. Suddenly the aardvark made a funny sound and leaped at Zero who was knocked to the floor. "What are you gonna do?" the ex-human asked the heavy creature. In answer the aardvark took a dump all over his nice white Night class uniform. He yelled while everyone else cracked up.

"Good Bubbles," Aido said smugly. Yuuki took a tentative step away from Zero. He now smelled disgusting.

Ichijou came from behind Shiki and looked at the scene.

"That aardvark…" he murmured and no one heard him. They were too busy laughing and pointing at Kiryuu to notice.

Because this aardvark was no ordinary aardvark. In fact it was actually—

"MY AARDVARK!" Kaname yelled. Everyone whipped around and stared.

Kaname stalked furiously over to Aido and snatched the aardvark away, cuddling him tightly to his chest.

"Poor Poopsy, it's okay baby," he cooed and everyone exchanged glances.

"That ugly—I mean beautiful creature belongs to _you?_" Ruka asked her jaw dropping. Kaname nodded.

Aido scratched the back of his head nervously.

"I didn't steal him! Honest, I didn't," he insisted and Kaname continued to glare. Aido swallowed.

"I should probably punish you for stealing Poopsy—" he began.

"I didn't steal Bubbles, uh, I mean Poopsy," Aido repeated. Kaname shot him a dangerous look that shut Aido up quickly.

"But I can't prove you did and I'm going to let it go _just this once,"_ he said, making sure that the end was emphasized. Aido winced at the hidden threat. Kaname snuggled the aardvark to his chest. "Let's go give you a bath," he cooed.

Shiki and Rima exchanged a glance and had one of the silent conversations they had quite frequently. They made a decision about whatever they'd been talking—thinking?—about in the first place and left.

Aido scowled.

"Who wants an aardvark anyway?" he muttered and left.

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Next up…**B** which stands for…ha ha! I'm not telling!!


	2. B is for Barbies

**Author's note: **some of the words I'm going to be using come out of the dictionary. Some of them don't. This one is an example: B stands for Barbies. I don't own Vampire Knight and I don't own Barbies or Barbie girl. Holy crap there's a lot of stuff I don't own…I'm going to go cry in my corner when I'm done with this chapter now.

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Rima and Ruka walked down the halls of Moon Dorms. That was when they heard a voice which Ruka immediately recognized as Kain's. The two pressed followed the Kain's voice until it came in clearly. He was sitting in his room crouched over something. Rima and Ruka were about to walk in when the heard something they never wanted to hear: Kain had put his voice to the highest pitch possible, now attempting to imitate a girl.

"C'mon Ken, let's go swimming!" his voice squeaked. Then he deepened his voice lower.

"Sure thing, Barbie," he grumbled and Rima shoved her fist in her mouth to stop the laughter that threatened to explode. Ruka turned to Rima and mouthed _I'll be right back _before darting off. She returned with Shiki, Ichijou and Yuuki who all looked very confused. Then they heard Kain's voice and every question was answered. The ever stoic Shiki had to lean against the wall and bite his lip to stay quiet while a grinning Ichijou covered Yuuki's mouth to stop her from laughing.

"Play some music Ken!" Kain/Barbie squealed. Everyone else nearly suffocated from holding back howls of laughter.

"Sure thing Barbie," Kain/Ken said. They heard the sound of a stereo being turned on and too late realized that it was only the music of _Barbie Girl _when Kain began to sing:

_I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation_

Come on, Barbie, let's go party

I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

I'm a blonde bimbo girl in the fantasy world  
Dress me up, take your time, I'm your dolly  
You're my doll, rock and roll, feel the glamour and pain  
Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky-panky

You can touch, you can play  
You can say I'm always yours, oooh whoa

Ichijou unconsciously squeezed Yuuki's head to control his own laughter and Shiki (who was trembling to control himself) had to pull him off.

I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh

Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please  
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees  
Come jump in, be my friend, let us do it again  
Hit the town, fool around, let's go party

You can touch, you can play  
You can say I'm always yours  
You can touch, you can play  
You can say I'm always yours

Almost everyone was on the break of losing it by now. Kain? Who knew?

_  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh_

I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world  
Life in plastic, it's fantastic  
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere  
Imagination, life is your creation

Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh

It ended and everyone began to breathe again. Kain shut off the music and continued playing.

That was when Aido walked by.

"What's so funny?" he whispered because even he could see that everyone was forcing themselves to be quiet.

"Listen," Rima said snickering.

Aido looked in the door and scowled.

"Akatsuki!" he yelled and Kain turned.

"Oh crap," he groaned.

"I TOLD YOU TO STOP PLAYING WITH MY ACTION FIGURES!!" Aido hollered furiously.

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That one was fun. Next is C in case you guys need to study your alphabet or something. If the barbie Girl lyrics were wrong don't blame me, please. I just used the first ones I found over the internet. Read and Review or Ken and Barbie will come and rape you!!


	3. C is for Chat

B**Author's note: **I got the inspiration for this when I was talking to my friend on email and having a jolly good time. I don't own Vampire Knight and I apologize if I am accidentally using someones real screen name. I don't own much, do I?

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For reference:

**EmoKid: **Shiki

**IloveEmoKid: **Rima

**Sexii: **Aido

**EmoKid2: **Zero

**BunniesandRainbows: **Yuuki

**Kaname: **Kaname

**SexiiUrNotSexy: **Ruka

**ThisIsStupid: **Kain

**ChildGenius: **Yori

**Icankillu: **Seiren

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**Sexii: **is n e1 on?

**EmoKid2: **me

**EmoKid: **y the hell did u copy my screen name??

**EmoKid2: **i couldnt think of n e thing better

**ChildGenius: **i couldve

**EmoKid2: **i don't care!!

**BunniesandRainbows: **zero dont talk to yorichan like that!

**IloveEmoKid: **You arent suppose to use real names

**BunniesandRainbows: **y not rima?

**Sexii: **haha she did it again!

**Kaname: **are you making fun of her?

**Sexii: **oh st

**EmoKid: **how come st doesnt work?

**IloveEmoKid: **let me try st

**IloveEmoKid: **wtf?? u cant put st on this thing??

**EmoKid: **i dont think u can put ne thing on here

**Kaname: **that doesnt matter! Sexii dissed BunniesandRainbows

**IloveEmoKid: **see Bunnies thats what u do

**Kaname: **shes my future wife!

**Sexii: **sorry kanamesama

**Kaname: **sorry doesn't cover it

**ThisIsStupid: **nice job cousin

**Icankillu:** I can kill him 4 u

**Sexii: **not fair!

**EmoKid2: **what makes yuuki yours, kuran?

**BunniesandRainbows: **zero uses names too!

**SexiiUrNotSexy: **kiryuu is stupid cuz he hates kanamesama

**ChildGenius: **well that was a blow to the self esteem

**BunniesandRainbows: **how did u get an account on this anyway yorichan?

**ChildGenius: **you made it

**EmoKid2: **i can kick ur ass kuran

**Icankillu: **i can kick your ass kiryuu and i will too

**Sexii: **ur so screwed

**IloveEmoKid: **can i watch

**Kaname: **it really isnt necessary

_(Icankillu, Sexii, IloveEmoKid, EmoKid2 leave chat)_

**ThisIsStupid: **I almost feel bad for kiryuu now

**BunniesandRainbows: **OMG ZERO!! NO!!

**BunniesandRainbows: **OMG ZERO!! NO!!

**BunniesandRainbows: **OMG ZERO!! NO!!

**BunniesandRainbows: **OMG ZERO!! NO!!

**BunniesandRainbows: **OMG ZERO!! NO!!

**SexiiUrNotSexy: **wtf? y do u keep doing that

**ChildGenius: **I think there is a bug in her computer

(_ThisIsStupid, EmoKid, BunniesandRainbows, ChildGenius, Kaname leaves chat)_

**SexiiUrNotSexy: **well this is lame

_(SexiiUrNotSexy leaves chat)_

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That was short and random but fun. Maybe I'll do a whole one shot of just IM…. Ready for D? As in the next chapter for those who didn't understand that. READ AND REVIEEEEWWWWWWW!!


	4. D is for Dorky

**Author's note: **Last was C for Chat room. This one will be (dun dun dun dun!!) D stands for Dorky. I wonder if I could find that one in the dictionary….

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Aido sat on the steps frowning.

"What's wrong, Hanabusa?" asked Ichijou, who then plopped down right next to him.

"Ruka called me a dorky," Aido said. Ichijou coughed back a laugh.

"So?" he asked

"What the hell is a dorky?" he demanded. Ichijou stared.

"I--well--I'm not sure," he said suddenly.

"Well that's not helpful!" cried Aido. He got up to go find someone who could help him define 'dorky' with Ichijou trailing not far behind him. He crossed paths with Kaname.

"Kaname-sama what's a dorky?" asked Ichijou quickly. Kaname stared at the other two.

"What does it matter?" he countered.

"Ruka called me a dorky and I can't think of a comeback if I don't know what it is," Aido whined. Kaname stared off into the distance in an I'm-thinking-so-don't-say-anything sort of way. Of course it was all fake and Kaname was just using that as cover because he had no friggin idea what the hell a dorky was. He sighed.

"I am not to be bothered with such things," he announced. "Go asked someone else."

Aido and Ichijou took off quickly and almost ran into Shiki and Rima. Aido wondered when they were ever separated from the other. I mean, seriously, did they take freaking _baths _together or some stuff like that? That's not the point! Aido reminded himself hastily.

"Ruka called me a dorky and I don't know what that is," he said very fast before they could leave. Rima and Shiki looked at each other totally bewildered.

"She called you a dorky?" Rima asked quietly, raising an eyebrow. Aido nodded. Suddenly Shiki snickered.

"What?" Aido demanded.

"I always knew there would be a day when Ruka would call you a name that you could reply to," Shiki said shaking his head. Aido scowled and stormed away and found Kain.

"Hey Akatsuki?"

"What is it, Hanabusa?" Kain sighed.

"Ruka called him a dorky," Ichijou said rolling his eyes.

"But she wouldn't tell me what a dorky was," Aido complained. Kain rubbed his temples.

"I'm sorry cousin but I don't know what a dorky is," Kain said finally.

Aido scowled. There had to someone…someone smart, who knew everything.

"Yori might now," he said suddenly. Ichijou heaved a sigh.

"Sun dorms?"

"Now."

It took a bit of searching and hiding from fan girls to find Yori. She was (of course) in the library, reading and taking notes for Yuuki to copy off of. She looked up and saw Ichijou and Aido looking highly irritated.

"Hello, Aido-senpai and Ichijou-senpai," she said formally. "Can I help you?"

"Tell me what a dorky is before this whole place turns into an ice rink!" Aido exclaimed.

"Ice rink?" Yori asked looking puzzled. Too late Aido remembered that Yori didn't know they were vampires. Or did she, he wondered. Yori was smart. She was going to figure it out eventually. He shook his head furiously. Again not the point. Maybe he had ADD…ah! There he went again.

"Never mind," he said exasperatedly.

"A dorky…" Yori murmured thoughtfully. Her eyes brightened and she chuckled. "Who called you dorky?" she asked him.

"How do you know someone called me a dorky?" Aido demanded. Yori repressed the urge to laugh and call him a stuck-up idiot.

"It's dorky and it's an insult," she corrected. Yori got up and whispered in his ear what dorky mean. Aido face contorted into something of rage and he took off to find Ruka, leaving Ichijou sitting on the ground and Yori laughing.

"What did you tell him?" asked Ichijou.

"I told him it meant smelly old ugly fart," Yori said still smirking.

"Is that what it means?" Ichijou asked curiously.

"I don't think so," Yori said. Ichijou chuckled.

"So it could mean anything?" he guessed.

"Yes, but I have no clue what," Yori said.

Meanwhile, Aido had found Ruka sitting in the lounge staring out in space.

"I know what a dorky—uh I mean dorky means!" Aido announced. Ruka looked up.

"Do you now?" she said looking surprised.

"Yeah, and you're one, too!" he shouted. Ruka stared blankly.

"Was that honestly the best retort you could come up with?" she demanded. Aido nodded and stalked away.

_I wonder what a dorky is, _Ruka wondered to herself. Because she had called Aido a word she had made up in her head. Aido wouldn't know this for quite some time though, if ever.

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That was fun. Poor Aido, going around in search of a word no one knows. Ruka isn't very original though….Next up is E for…ha ha I'm not telling!! _**READ AND REVIEW PEOPLE**_!!


	5. E is for Earthworm

**Author's note: **A, B, C and D are now complete so we move to E which stands for Earthworm. I know I already used Aardvark which is an animal too but whatever.

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All was silent in the halls of the Night dorm until a petrified shriek came from Rima and Ruka's room. Ruka had sat up only to find an earthworm squirming next to her face, on its disgusting way to her beautiful hair. Rima sat up, prepared to kick some level E ass and saw the worm. She resisted the urge to scream like Ruka was doing and took three deep breaths and told herself to think.

_Just a worm. Just a worm. It's just a freakin ugly, sliming, gross, repulsive eww!! _Rima shuddered right when Kain came into the room looking ready to kill. Rima smirked, all thoughts of the worm forgotten.

_Ruka and Kain, sitting in a tree…wait. Do earthworms live in trees? Ugh! _And so Rima stopped smirking.

She watched Kain pick of the disgusting creature and toss it out the window. Ruka seemed to not have noticed and was still screaming like a banshee. Ichijou and Shiki entered the room to see Rima sitting on her bed staring out the window looking repulsed while also holding her ears and Kain struggling to calm down Ruka in a vain attempt to save everyone else's' ears.

Ichijou left to report that it was just a false alarm before the whole school was panicking. Shiki walked over to Rima's bed and sat down.

"What happened?" he asked but Rima couldn't hear so she shook her head and motioned to the door. They walked out the hall and Shiki repeated his question.

"What happened?"

"Freakin earthworm scared the hell out of Ruka," Rima said shortly, rubbing her sore ears. Shiki snorted. The screams had finally stopped and Rima looked thoughtful.

"I wonder who did—"she began slowly and was interrupted when the door slammed open and a very dangerous looking Ruka stormed out.

"Who did this?" she roared and Shiki and Rima cringed. Maybe Ruka was better when she was screeching.

"Hell if I know," Rima said shrugging. Three sets of eyes looked at Shiki.

"You can't honestly expect that _I _did this!" he snorted rolling his eyes.

"AIDO HANABUSA!" yelled Ruka and everyone near her shuddered. How could she still be so loud?

Aido walked sleepily up to Ruka.

"What?" he demanded.

"_Did you put a worm in my bed??" _she screamed. Aido stared.

"That's what the screaming was about?" he asked incredulously.

"YES!" Rima, Ruka, Kain and Shiki all said loudly. Then Aido laughed. He laughed and laughed and laughed like it was the funniest thing he had ever heard. Seeing as it was Aido, it probably was, too.

"It wasn't me but when you find out who did, tell me," Aido chuckled.

"Why would you care?" snarled Ruka. Aido shook his head.

"I just want to send them a thank you card," he said and bounded off before with Ruka following, planning his murder.

Suddenly, Rima screamed. There was another earthworm. Only this time, it was in Rima's hair, so she couldn't be blamed for flipping out.

In a swift moment, Shiki pulled the crime-committer out of Rima's hair. He threw it out of a conveniently open window. There sure seemed to be a lot of those in this dorm…. The moment it was out, Rima's screaming stopped.

"We know it isn't Aido," she breathed heavily and Shiki patted her on the back.

"It's okay, Rima, just calm down," he soothed her only to be met with a sharp elbow in the gut.

"What was that for?" Shiki demanded indignantly.

"I'm fine," growled Rima. Kain shook his head.

"I think all girls get grumpy when scared," he said thoughtful. Rima snarled and prepared to murder Kain but stopped when she saw something big and ugly behind the would-have-been victim: it was another Earthworm. She yelped and jumped back into Shiki who rolled his eyes.

"What happened to 'I'm fine'" he asked mockingly. Rima let out a hiss of fury.

"Would you just get that thing OUT of here?" she snapped and Kain lit the poor creature on fire then stepped on it for good measure.

"I think we're facing an infestation," Shiki said matter-of-factly.

"What's infesting?" asked Ichijou who had just appeared. Rima, Kain and Shiki all grimaced.

"Earthworms," they said together and Ichijou shuddered.

"Okay, one is bad enough but more than one?" he said cringing. Rima nodded.

"We've already seen three," she said calmly. Ichijou grinned.

"How loud did Rima scream?" he asked Shiki as if Rima was even there. Rima wasn't held back this time and she successfully landed a painful punch to Ichijou face.

"You wanna say that again?" she hissed. Shiki smirked and Kain fought a smile. Yes, girls—or at least vampire girls—_did_ get grumpy when scared.

"I uh better and er go and ah get Ruka to stop uh her from killing Hanabusa and uh um…yeah," Ichijou rambled before running away. Rima snorted and muttered something that sounded a bit like 'wimp.'

Kaname walked over from the shadows.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Infestation," everyone said.

"How do you know?" Kaname demanded with something like fear in his voice. It couldn't be…was Kaname-sama afraid of simple but annoying organisms?

"There were a bunch of earthworms all over—"Kain began but froze when a nearby statue burst into tiny pieces.

"EARTHWORMS??" yelled Kaname and everyone else stared. No. Friggin. Way. He was actually _SCARED!_ Had it been anyone else, Rima, Kain and Shiki would've laughed and laughed hard. But it would be stupid—as an understatement—to laugh at Kaname-sama when he was in this sort of state.

"Earthworms? Where?" asked Ruka quickly when she appeared dragging a beaten-looking Aido with her.

"We are faced with an infestation," sighed Shiki.

Ruka paled and squeezed Aido tighter.

"What are we going to do Kaname-sama?" she cried. "Uh, Kaname-sama?"

for indeed Kaname had vanished, no doubt hiding in his emergency safe room. Rima snorted.

"Well, he's not going to be much of a help," she said irritably. Ruka's jaw dropped.

"So you're just going to sit back and watch them kill or eat us?!" she gasped. Aido grinned devilishly.

"Ya know Ruka, I saw a movie about this once," he told her. "Worms came and ate everyone." He looked thoughtful. His smile grew wider. "They started with the blonde pretty girls," Aido added and Ruka looked ready to pass out.

Rima slapped Aido furiously.

"Shut UP you freaking IDIOT!" she yelled at him.

"This isn't the time for you games cousin," Kain said quietly and Aido scowled.

"Fine but I say me and Shiki and Kain go after the little freaks and burn or freeze or uh, whatever you would call what Shiki would do to them," he grumbled and Shiki snorted.

"Rima's right," he said. "You are an idiot."

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Before you all try to burn me at the stake because I cut the thing off –cringes- right there lemme tell you my plan: I'm going to turn it into a fic of it's own so I can make it longer and more…interesting. I dunno when it'll come out but I promise it'll be within a week. READ AND REVIEW OR I'LL SET A BUNCH OF EARTHWORMS ON YOU!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!


	6. F is for Finances

**Author's note: **Finally time to update! This time its F stands for Finances (something I don't have to worry about yet). I don't own Vampire Knight (much to my sadness) nor do I own the song Hit me baby one more time (Much to my relief).

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The Chairman had known when he opened the Cross Academy that it would be dangerous but this was beyond anything he'd ever dealt with. The numbers on the water bill was huge! Not big huge, no this was, HUGE huge. He gaped at it and Yuuki and Zero walked in at that moment.

"Help me my beloved daughter and son!" he cried at them and the two sweat-dropped.

"I'm not you son," Zero reminded him.

"Help with what Chairman?" asked Yuuki. It was not uncommon for her adopted father to act like this but she couldn't help but be concerned. But the Chairman was already rambling on.

"…And I had no clue things would turn out like this! How could this have happened? Who takes a five hour long shower and—"

"Did you say five hour long shower?" Zero interrupted. The Chairman nodded.

"Stupid Kuran," the ex-human snorted.

"What about Kaname-sama?" asked Yuuki her eyes growing large. To the other's surprise, Zero began to laugh. Not smirk or laugh bitterly but actually laugh. He laughed so hard his eyes began to tear up and he clutched his stomach.

"C-come to the Moon dorms with me," Zero gasped between laughs. He walked away, quickly followed by Yuuki and the Chairman. They entered the dorm to find everyone was holding their ears. A second later a screeching sound came from a few stories up and Zero snickered again while Yuuki and the Chairman covered their ears and winced.

"What is that?" Yuuki exclaimed.

"Kuran is in the shower," Zero cackled and made his way near to source of the screeching. As they neared the room sounds of shower water running and _words_ could be distinguished. Zero was now shaking with silent fits of hysteria and Yuuki and the Chairman pressed their poor ears to the door.

Then they heard it and Yuuki had to suppress a scream of horror. No way. She was being punked! Right? No Kaname was really singing his favorite song:

**Oh baby baby, oh baby baby**** to know now, oh because**

Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know  
That something wasnt right here  
Oh baby baby, I shouldnt have let you go  
And now youre out of sight, yeah  
Show me how you want it to be  
Tell me baby cuz I need

My loneliness is killin me (and I)  
I must confess I still believe (still believe)  
When Im not with you I lose my mind  
Give me a sign, hit me baby one more time!

Oh baby baby, the reason I breathe is you  
Boy youve got me blinded  
Oh pretty baby, theres nothin that I wouldnt do  
Thats not the way I planned it

Show me how you want it to be  
Tell me baby cuz I need to know now, oh because

Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know  
Oh pretty baby, I shouldnt have let you go  
I must confess that my loneliness  
Is killin me now  
Dont you know I still believe  
That you will be here  
And give me a sign, hit me baby one more time

I must confess (my loneliness) that my loneliness  
(is killing me) is killing me now  
(I must confess) dont you (I still believe) know I still believe  
That you will be here (I lose my mind)  
And give me a sign...  
Hit me baby one more time!

Yuuki fainted and Zero caught her carefully, still laughing. The Chairman stared at the door.

"He does this for _five hours_??" the Chairman demanded and Zero nodded.

"His 'concert' started a few hours ago so he'll be getting out anytime now," he said with a grin. The Chairman shook his head.

"I can't wait that long," he said and Zero backed away, realizing what the Chairman intended to do.

"_KANAME YOU GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW BEFORE I COME IN THERE!" _the Chairman hollered waving the water bill furiously.

Kaname opened the door part way so only his head was poking out.

"May I help you?" he asked briskly.

"Firstly, you should _really_ take some singing lessons and secondly you are increasing this school's water bill at a disturbing rate," the Chairman said and Kaname raised an eyebrow.

"My singing is beautiful," he announced, totally ignoring the Chairman's last piece if information.

"That isn't the point!" the Chairman yelled. "The finances are the point!"

"But your singing really _does _suck, Kuran," Zero said from behind the stairs.

"How is my singing messing with finances?" demanded Kaname, totally unaware that the door was now fully open to reveal him in his my little pony pajamas.

"Your showers are too long!" the Chairman said exasperatedly. Kaname scowled.

"Then I'm _leaving!_" he shouted pouting and stormed out of the dorm in his pajamas.

Three days later, Aido was channel surfing when he saw the Pureblood he admired singing in his horrible voice on live television, still in his pajamas. This is where six way phone calling, IM, picture messages and all other sorts of contact comes in handy. In mere minutes, everyone in the Cross Academy was watching Kaname sing and then be sent home to where he was met with a large bill from his flight there and back, his showers (the Chairman took Ichijou's advice and transferred the water bills of the Moon dorm to Kaname's account) and his pajamas which had been quite expensive for ones that were baby pink with a bunch of ponies on them.

Finances are a cruel thing that should burn in hell, Kaname decided as he stared at the very large pile on his desk. He looked around. He was going to have to sell quite a bit of his things to pay all of these off.

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I apologize if I have ruined Kaname for anyone and I also apologize for getting a bit off track when I got the poor guy to sing in the shower. It was just too fun and at least finances were mentioned what, five times in this chapter. Aren't these characters lucky that someone more mature and less insane owns them? READ AND REVIEW!!


	7. G is for Gibberish

**Author's note: **Yeah, I know it's been awhile since I updated but _please don't kill me!!_ I enjoy life and have much to live for including finishing this story. You ready for this? G stands for…Gibberish. Can you believe it took me this long to think of _that_??

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"Hundblagarsh," Shiki grumbled to Ichijou who stared.

"What?" he demanded and Shiki shrugged.

"Hundblagarsh," the dark haired vampire repeated and Ichijou sweat-dropped. They were getting off to a really bad start this evening.

"I don't understand you, Senri," Ichijou explained firmly and Shiki snorted like a third grader should be able to understand what Ichijou could not.

"Are you speaking French?" Ichijou asked suddenly and Shiki shook his head.

"Dudgar," he said, shaking his head. Ichijou took this as a _no._

"Romanian?"

"Dudgar."

"Russian?"

"Dudgar."

"Mexican? Oh wait that would be Spanish would it?" Ichijou mumbled and then sighed. What was he supposed to do? He needed someone who could understand Shiki without words. Someone like…Rima!

"Dud—" Shiki was saying before he was yanked off his bed and dragged away by Ichijou. Luckily, they caught Rima walking down the hallway rubbing her head.

"Rima!" Ichijou cried out desperately and Rima looked up.

"Hm?" she asked tiredly.

"Shiki is speaking a different language!" he exclaimed. "I need your help!"

"Gunjunda abula," Shiki greeted his friend who giggled. Whoa. Hold up there a minute. Rima giggled? Yeah, she giggled. Ichijou was puzzled by Rima's odd reaction and blinked to clear his mind.

"Is he speaking Polish?" asked the blonde vampire curiously. Rima shook her head.

"Gibberish," she said.

"I'm sorry what?"

"Gibberish," Yori said, who had just popped out of no where. "Meaningless or unintelligible talk or writing."

"Yeah, that," Rima said uncertainly.

"Sanplunder," Shiki said rolling his eyes irritably.

"Junbu," Rima replied gently and the others eyes softened.

"Not they're both speaking Gibbleres, or whatever it is," he moaned and Rima smiled.

"Gibberish," Yori corrected him and he shot her a dirty look. She vanished as quickly as she had appeared.

"I don't know why he's speaking Gibberish though," Rima said thoughtfully and Ichijou gaped at her.

"We can't fix him?" he demanded on the brink of tears by now. Rima and Shiki rolled their eyes at the same time.

"He isn't broken," Rima explained.

"What can we do then?"

Rima's eyes glowed brightly. "Well…" she said mischievously and whispered her plan in Ichijou's ear. His eyes widened.

"You know, that might actually work," he said happily and Shiki looked at his friends with a confused look on his face.

"Cansadi?" he asked them.

"Nonjade," Rima promised her, her eyes glowing dangerously.

**X X X X X X X X X X X X X**

Admittedly, dumping Shiki in the lake hadn't been as easy as Rima and Ichijou may have hoped. But it was amusing all the same.

"Hondage!" he yelled at them furiously as they dragged him outside to the water.

"Kanploo!" Ichijou said firmly and with a grunt, Rima and Shiki shoved their 'friend' into the water. Rima looked at Ichijou slightly surprised.

"I didn't know you spoke Gibberish," she commented and Ichijou paled. Was it infectious? he wondered. Before he could reply, a furious Shiki rose, soaked through, out of the water.

"I. Am. Going. To. Kill you!" he hollered and Rima and Ichijou smirked.

"You wouldn't,' the two of them declared and Shiki glared.

"Are you sure about that?" he demanded and Rima and Ichijou shot each other a slightly worried look. Would he?

"RUN!" Rima yelled and she and Ichijou took off and Shiki ran after them biting his finger. They were going down, he decided triumphantly.

Aido watched the three run around the courtyard with a frown on his face. So much for that plan, he thought snorting. Plan? Yes, this whole thing was on Aido. No surprise there of course.

In the middle of the night, Aido had made stuck a little chip on the side of Shiki's cheek to make everything he said sound like Gibberish. Dumping him in the water had destroyed it. He shook his head. Aido would have to think of something better if he wanted to get his revenge on Shiki, Rima and Ichijou for putting a whoopee cushion under his seat last week.

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Once again, I am so sorry for the very late update and I promise I will try to update sooner next time. H stands for…I'm not sure. So if anyone had any ideas, put them in the reviews. I might use them or I might not, it depends on what you guys can come up with. _**READ AND REVIEW!!**_


	8. H is for Happy Time

**Author's note: **Alright, so I got impatient in waiting for ideas and just racked my brain till I came up with one. I hope you people like this one cuz all that racking made my brain hurt! So here it is…H for Happy Time. Yeah, I know it's two words but you can all deal.

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Ruka stared at the TV and frowned.

"Rima what is this?" she demanded and she watched a group of people enter the room and set the 32" flat screen up. Rima rolled her eye.

"I told you, Ruka," she said impatiently. "It's our new TV."

"I know that!" snapped Ruka. "_I mean_ what the hell is it doing in our room?"

"I was tired of Shiki bragging about have cable and getting to watch Happy Time," Rima said airily.

"Excuse me?" Ruka asked raising a perfect eyebrow.

Rima stared at Ruka in horror. "You don't know Happy Time?!" she exclaimed and suddenly all the workers stopped and stared at Ruka incredulously.

"No." Well, Ruka never was one to beat around the bush. Rima frowned and stared into the distance as if she was thinking hard. She suddenly turned to the workers and snapped her fingers.

"Hurry up," she ordered and hurry they did and when they were done, Rima seized Ruka's arm and dragged her over to where the TV sat. She turned it on and—to Ruka's utmost horror—seven little, pink, fluffy bunny rabbits appeared on the screen. A strange tune accompanied them and Ruka knew immediately that it would be stuck in her head for days.

"Good morning children!" one chirped in a high pitched voice and almost automatically, Rima replied, "Good morning to you Skippy!"

Ruka gasped. This was absolutely horrible! The rabbits continued to speak to the viewers in disturbingly high voices and Rima always replied. Ruka swallowed. Happy Time? More like Horror Time, she decided and left the room, unnoticed by Rima who was chanting at the pink monsters on screen. Ruka quickly made her way to Shiki and Ichijou's room, fully believing that if anyone could help Rima it would be him. She opened the door and saw Ichijou and Shiki doing the same thing Rima had been doing: talking to those damned rabbits! Ruka swallowed a scream of frustration and slid away silently. As she had predicted (and now feared) the horrible theme song to Happy Time was stuck in her head.

Ruka walked down the corridors pondering on what to do when she thought of Kaname-sama. He could help, she knew and set off for where she thought he would be. The sound of the bunnies' voices rang out from his room and Ruka peeked her head in an inch to see Kaname-sama and Yuuki watching Happy Time, totally enthralled by the hideous fur-balls-from-hell. Ruka backed up. OK. That plan failed. Ruka frowned and continued to walk until she almost ran head first into Kiryuu. _YES_! she thought and a disturbing sense of relief was sent through her body. The ex-human wasn't glued to a TV or singing the Happy Time theme song! As a matter of fact, he seemed a bit disturbed himself.

"What's going on?" he demanded and for a millisecond, Ruka was a bit insulted and his forwardness. She shook her head and realized that this was not the time for such trivial things.

"I'm not sure but I think it has something to do with a show called Happy Time," Ruka said slowly. Kiryuu's eyes widened considerably.

"So it's caught them, too," he said in a hushed voice. Quickly, Kiryuu explained that Happy Time was a brainwashing show run by evil bunnies, hell bent on taking over the world.

"What about Akatsuki and Hanabusa?" Ruka asked worriedly. Kiryuu let out a noise that sounded like a mix of a snort and a sigh.

"They're probably turning into slaves of the bunnies as we speak," he said carelessly and Ruka narrowed her eyes.

"We have to go after them!" she declared and Kiryuu scowled.

"No time," he said firmly but Ruka had her mind set so he quickly gave in.

"If they're brainwashed we get straight out," he ordered and Ruka nodded. They made their way to Kain and Aido's room and to Ruka's relief, they were both sitting and staring out the window with a blank stare in their eyes.

"You're alright!" Ruka cried happily and the other two vampires turned to look at her.

"Of course we are," Kain said sounding slightly confused.

"There are evil bunnies after us," she said quickly and walked to the door beckoning for them to follow. But they did not and that was when it hit Ruka. The blank stares, the robotic, empty sound in her childhood friend's voice. They had been brainwashed. As Kiryuu and Ruka turned to dart out the door she heard the television switch on.

"Grab anyone who is left and have them watch us!" said a chirpy voice that could only belong to one of the bunnies from Happy Time.

"Yes, Skippy," Kain and Aido said. Before, any escaping could be done, the door was blocked, by Yuuki, Kaname, Rima, Shiki and Ichijou who held ropes and two chairs.

"Yes, Skippy," they all said in unison. "We obey you master." Ruka and Kiryuu looked at each other desperately. Without a word they were tied and placed in front of the TV.

"Watch," Shiki ordered firmly and Ruka shut her eyes. No way in hell were these mutants getting _her._ Someone held Ruka's eyes open and she felt an odd sensation to obey these cute little rabbits' every wish. After all, they were so cute, what could that stupid ex-human have been thinking when he called them evil. Her eyes glazed over and she gave in to the bunnies.

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That was a short one but in my defense, there's only so much you can put when typing about evil bunnies and brainwashing. The ending was deliberate and I will leave what happens after to the readers imagination. DON'T GET BRAINWASHED!! But feel free to read and review. If you don't the evil bunnies will come and eat you! Or not but whatever.


	9. I is for Iceland

**Author's note: **Whee!! I feel so smart for coming up with this word because I don't think any of you could've thought of it! Ha! OK so maybe you could have but just lemme have my happy moment…. Time for: I is for Iceland! This isn't going to turn out like some sort of geography lesson because I don't know anything about Iceland…not that I need to for this.

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Aido stared at his packed bag and map he held in his hand. There was no other option that he knew of. Aido had to run away. To Iceland! Seriously, this place was killing him, with all the drama and stuff, but the worst thing possible had happened today:

–Flashback-

"_Hello, Ladies!" Aido called cheerily. Suddenly, he noticed that no one was looking at him. They were all staring at…his cousin! Why, Aido thought, why must fate turn on me in such a terrible way?!_

_He wasn't being over dramatic! No way. This was a major crisis. So Aido stared at the ground, ignoring the thudding pain that coursed through his perfect—and better than Akatsuki's!—body as he walked to class. And although he was walking slowly and his pout was obvious, no one asked him what was wrong! _

-Flashback ends…that was a seriously short flashback…-

Aido gritted his teeth. If Akatsuki wanted all the fan girls fine! Aido would leave and find new fan girls!! Better ones, that didn't ditch you! Maybe the penguins would fawn over him… Were there penguins in Iceland? The map didn't say much. But oh well! Anywhere is better than here!

Aido glanced at his farewell note and sighed. It was the most beautiful literature he'd ever written and he wouldn't be around to accept the praise. Assuming they gave him any. They'd probably be too busy staring at Akatsuki to realize how stunningly fantastic this small note was! It went like this:

_Dear all,_

_I am almost sorry about leaving you, but I doubt any of you care. This is NOT a suicide note! _

_This is a farewell note so all of you feel bad that you have driven me away!_

_In case you are all wondering, my reason for leaving is that I am no longer loved. No!_

_All the love that should be mine belongs to Akatsuki. What did I do wrong?_

_Was my beautiful, golden hair not quite put in the proper position? _

_Did I not wave with my right hand, using my left instead?_

_Why must fate have turned on me like this?? WHY?_

_Anyway, I want you all to know that I am not telling you where I am so you can't find me!_

_Iceland is better than Japan anyway…. Like I said, you will never figure out that I'm going to Iceland._

_Good bye my former friends!_

_Sincerely,_

_Aiohdkbsakjbd_

At the last part, Aido's handwriting had gotten illegible so we must all presume it is what it we it to be.

"Hanabusa?" Ruka asked uncertainly from his doorway.

"What?" he asked miserably.

"A fan girl sent you a letter," she informed him and Aido jumped up. Maybe he wasn't unloved! Maybe he could stay!

"Read the first line!" he said excitedly and Ruka raised an eyebrow but read"

"'Dear, Idol-senpai, or should I say Aido-senpai? I am sorry but I am falling in love with your cousin. I'm sorry but I'—"she read but Aido raised a hand to his heart and she stopped.

"Please read no farther!" he exclaimed and Ruka rolled his eyes.

"You are depressingly gullible," she told him. Aido glared at her and ice crawled up the wall next to the cruel vampire. Didn't she know he was running away because of this?

"I don't _want _to know what it really says!" he said and handed her his note which she read, a smile growing on her face until she was done.

"Why Iceland?" she asked him and he stared at her.

"How did you know I'm going to Iceland?" Aido gasped and Ruka bit back a laugh.

"A lucky guess," she said smirking and Aido snatched away the note and was walking away with it when he remembered that this letter was for the others of the Night class. And for what it was worth, Aido was rather curious to what the note said. He walked back and he and Ruka switched notes, the one addressed the Aido he read himself. Ruka had been right on track except for that instead of 'your cousin' is was 'Shiki-senpai' which wasn't much better, Aido decided. At least Akatsuki looked a little bit like him! Shiki…not so much.

Aido sighed dramatically. How he loved theatrics one might suppose.

"Hey!" Ruka called to him if you really want to know the reason people are changing who they are proclaiming their love to, you should check this out." She handed him a slip of paper saying, 'YouTube, Aido drunk with a random chick'. Aido blinked once and dashed to the computer in his room, found YouTube and looked up the odd titled video. To his humiliation, it was actually there and he—almost reluctantly—clicked on it.

And there was Ichijou—with Aido's video-camera!—whispering and walking quietly down the halls of the Moon dorm to Aido's room followed by everyone else in the Night class, along with Yori, the Chairman and Yuuki. Well, this wasn't good, he thought and his assumption only got worse when he heard Ichijou say, "Hanabusa, when you watch this remember that they are forcing me to do this as a punishment."

Aido swallowed. Oh yeah, that time he made them all drunk and video-taped it. Crap. They all claimed they'd let him off _this _time and Aido had been so relieved to be alive that he hadn't thought much of it. Only now was he realizing what a mistake that was. The door opened a crack and the screen switched from Ichijou to Aido and a random blonde girl whom he didn't recognize having a pillow fight. A freaking pillow fight!

Aido resisted the temptation to shut up off the computer and continued to watch his down fall as the Aido on screen drank and spilled his every secret, played truth or dare, dressed up in make up and a frilly dress, and pretty much every humiliating thing imaginable. When it was done, Aido closed the screen and walked out of his room, almost running into a grinning Ruka standing in front of every else who had been present during the filming.

"Uh, will a heart-felt apology get you to delete that video?" he asked hopefully.

"No."

The word rang around the room firmly and Aido winced.

"Iceland here I come," he said but the back of his shirt was grabbed by his cousin.

"You aren't going anywhere," Kaname told him stoically. "Your plane has been cancelled, all money moved—"

"—so you have no where to go," Ruka finished softly, malice filling her voice. Anger issues much? Not really.

"Don't worry, Hanabusa, we put all your stuff away," Ichijou said pleasantly and the statue next to him froze over.

Next time he tried to totally humiliate the Night class, Aido decided he would have no accomplices. _Especially _traitorous ones like Ichijou!

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The part about the YouTube video probably doesn't make sense to anyone who hasn't read Why Not To Drink, but I got a review saying that I should make a fic about Aido's punishment. I hope this works for you, anonymous view (you know who you are), because this chapter is now dedicated to you because when the whole drinking-with-a-girl was because of your suggestion. The whole story would have been about 400 words if it weren't for you so anyone who enjoyed this chapter should give them a hand. READ AND REVIEW!


	10. J is for Jello

Author's note: Wow it's been a really long time since I updated and I'm very, very sorry

**Author's note: **Wow it's been a really long time since I updated and I'm very, very sorry. Anyway, this chapter was inspired by ankoku-uchiha so all of you should be happy that she read my story and reviewed it. See? Reviewing stories _are _worthwhile! And again, I don't own Vampire Knight or any other anime out there…YET!! J stands for Jello!!

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They were having jello for dinner. Yes _jello_! Who the hell is lazy enough to give their kids jello?? Well, the Chairman obviously, because Yuuki and Zero were staring at neon purple jello and oh lord was it breathing?

"It's my special recipe!" the Chairman insisted and Zero snorted.

"Yeah, I bet!" he said unenthusiastically and he grabbed his jello and left. As he was about to throw the disgusting substance away, he realized how fantastic it would look on the back of Kuran's head. Zero cackled like an old witch.

"Just wait, Kuran!" Zero informed the bowl. "It's coming!"

What Zero didn't know, was that at that second, Kaname himself was looking at jello the Chairman had been 'kind' enough to bring for him. He was contemplating on throwing it away or braving it when he thought of Kiryuu and how annoying that little silver-haired, Yuuki-stealing etc. was and how the purple probably wouldn't come out of his hair for _ages_.

As immature as his new plan was, Kaname was always so serious it was fine for him to act a little childish every once and a while…right?

As he wondered whether this was a good idea or not, something wet and gushy hit him in the face. It dripped down and stained his _FRESHLY PRESSED-AND-CLEANED UNIFORM!!_

Kaname ran to the open window and saw a silver flash of hair.

Kiryuu was so gonna pay for this, he decided as he picked up his own bowl of jello. He didn't even bother changing out of his now purple and white uniform so we can all imagine the reactions of all the other night class students as he darted out the building like it was on fire.

When he found Kiryuu, the blonde ex-human was hiding in a tree, completely oblivious to Kaname's presence. That was until his hair became covered in jello.

His malicious grin vanished replaced by a snarl.

"It's going to take half a bottle of my special shampoo to get this crap out!" he yelled. "Do you know how friggin expensive it is?"

"Do _you _know how expensive it is to get your clothes as clean as mine?" Kaname hollered back. The two were quite unaware that pretty much everyone was watching them. Some where even recording. YouTube time!! YouTube ends up in a lot of these now doesn't it….

"I hate you!" Zero yelled.

"I hate you more!" Kaname yelled back.

At the same time both immature losers ended up with the other jello all over them.

"Man, I thought this would be more of an Aido Kain thing," Shiki muttered to Rima who snorted.

"They are over there," she said pointing behind them where Aido and Kain were throwing large amounts of vanilla pudding while Ichijou cried at them not to waste it!

"And if they weren't being so immature, this could be filmed by Aido himself," Ruka sniffed. She let out a horrified scream when a single drop of pudding landed in her hair.

Aido and Kain froze then ran as the furious beauty took off after them.

It was then Kaname and Zero finally realized they were being watched. Zero swore loudly and dumped the rest of his jello on Kaname, then ran before there could be any retaliation.

Heh heh. Kaname can never win.

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That was a short one but my mom gave me fifteen minutes on the computer and now I have two sooooo…read and review and I'll try to update sooner!


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